On Giving Thanks
For Thanksgiving this year, my husband and I shared a Shake Shack burger and fries in a Terminal at JFK Airport. Although not very traditional, it was delicious and oddly hit the spot. On Thanksgiving Day we were flying back from a wonderful trip to see friends in Madrid (more to come on this later). We were exhausted after our first flight that spanned 8 hours, and had a 5 hour layover in JFK before taking a second flight home to Dallas.
As we enjoyed our burger and fries, I couldn’t help but observe how everyone was interacting with each other at the airport. Employees called to one another as they passed, wishing each other a happy Thanksgiving and mentioning the food available for the holiday. Everyone we interacted with was warm toward us and wished us a happy holiday. Holiday decor was already up in the airport and the overall feeling was one of delight and excitement, even from employees that had to work on the holiday.
Thanksgiving has always been the holiday to kick off the holiday season for me. Almost a precursor to Christmas, a time to get together with loved ones, eat too much, and then flop into bed or on the couch for a nap. We missed getting together with our families this year, it was a trade off we knew were making in exchange for the amazing flights we found for Madrid. I am certain our flights were so inexpensive because we chose to fly back on the holiday. Regardless, this year I found myself taking a different perspective on the holiday. Perhaps this was due to the change in our environment, perhaps it was because of the experience in another culture we were concluding at the same time, or perhaps it came from people watching on the holiday in an airport. I think a culmination of lessons I have learned over the past few months had something to do with it as well.
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to share a meal with an Australian Winemaker that had moved his family to Napa for a few years. He was shortly about to move back to Australia to take care of his own family vineyard. This was in the fall and someone at our table asked if he and his family enjoyed any traditions or holidays while in the United States. He said the holiday he most enjoyed was Thanksgiving, because what was better than gathering with your family over food with a focus on gratitude?
Perhaps his comment should not have struck me the way it did, after all that is the heart of the holiday. But somewhere in my mind, Thanksgiving Day and its purpose became a bit skewed. Between over the top parades, and manic trips to the grocery store where it almost feels like a post-apocalyptic battle for the last can of cranberry, or eating to the point of illness, I think I lost sight of giving thanks. And the purpose in gathering together.
I too easily fall into what I have come to think of as a “Martha Lifestyle”. If you know the story, you know that Martha was caught up in rushing around, completing tasks she thought were the top priority, while her sister Mary chose to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to him. Mary’s choice was considered the correct one, while Martha’s was not. I resent that story sometimes. I am a master of creating a to-do list and I will exhaust myself trying to complete and then exceed it. How could God not be impressed with my knack for checking things off or knocking things out? Does He not get a thrill out of that as I do? On top of that, not only do I want to achieve everything I possibly can in a short amount of time, but I want it to be perfect. This a lethal combination. And most often causes me to miss out on the moments I try so hard to amp up and make into “perfect” memories/stories/pictures/fill-in-the-blank. I miss it altogether. As much as my pride does not want to admit it, the Martha and Mary story makes more and more sense. There is something to be said for stopping and savoring, especially in gratitude.
On a trip from Dallas to West Texas to visit family a few years ago, I was driving by myself and took the opportunity to catch up on podcast episodes. I had been enjoying the TED Talk radio hour on NPR and eventually made my way to an episode on Happiness. You can find the podcast link here. It was hugely interesting, and I enjoyed contemplating the various points all TED speakers brought up. I remember the very last speaker was a monk and specifically talked about how one’s happiness is tied to gratitude. His name was David Steindl-Rast and he is a Bendictine Monk. As he spoke and reiterated again and again that happiness was tied to gratitude, I remember thinking at the time, could it possibly be that simple? People all over the world are pursuing anything that promises the least bit of happiness and satisfaction, but that their happiness is tied to gratitude? Yes. You can find the video of his talk here and transcription here. He goes into greater detail than I am discussing but here and please watch it as it is worth considering. There is one thing he said that stuck with me that I want to bring up in this context:
“...How can each one of us find a method for living gratefully, not just once in a while being grateful, but moment by moment to be grateful? How can we do it? It's a very simple method. It's so simple that it's actually what we were told as children when we learned to cross the street. Stop, look, go. That's all. But how often do we stop? We rush through life. We don't stop. We miss the opportunity because we don't stop. We have to stop, we have to get quiet and we have to build stop signs into our lives. When we open our hearts to the opportunities, the opportunities invite us to do something. Stop, look and then go, and really do something. And what we can do is what ever life offers to you in that present moment. Mostly, it's the opportunity in joy.” (David Steindl-Rast, part 6 of the TED Radio Hour episode, Simply Happy)
Hmm, gratitude, and therefore one’s happiness, is directly connected to one’s ability to stop. Stopping, and savoring, in gratitude.
Last year, after reading books and listening to podcasts from a few people that are smarter than me, I started to look at my life differently. I started making choices for my physical and spiritual health, one of which was a daily gratitude practice. It was super simple in theory, every morning after waking up, I would take the time to write out 5-10 things that I am grateful for. Specifically, trying to target small things that happened within the last 24 hours. It seems overly simple, and at the beginning I had no idea how much it would affect my perspective. From where I stand now, I can see how implementing that one practice completely changed my happiness, my relationships, what I choose to pursue, everything. I found myself keeping an eye out for small things I could include in my gratitude list the next morning. Perhaps a kind word from a stranger while standing in line, seeing a Blue Jay on a walk with my dogs, or something particularly sweet my husband did or said. By making a point of writing it down every day, I made a point of keeping an eye out for moments to be grateful for. And in so doing, I looked at everything with a hopeful expectation, in anticipation of finding something to be grateful for in every small moment. By stopping to notice the blessings and beauty God had woven into the fabric of our lives around us, it changed everything.
I can’t fully explain the reach of this change for me. It is a simple thing and it’s almost impossible to put into words. In short, my perspective and daily outlook changed. Even if something irritating or saddening were to happen, although it would affect me, I almost had a buoyancy from the other moments I was so grateful for and it would not affect me as deeply as it would have previously. My priorities changed. I cared less for certain things that had previously been so important, and more for others that had not even remotely been my priority. Without fully realizing it, I was enacting exactly what David Steindl-Rast had explained - I was creating stops in my life to savor moments in gratitude, and it had a direct correlation to my happiness and perspective.
Due to these experiences and lessons learned, Thanksgiving has not only become a holiday that I have stopped to reconsider but it has also taken on new meaning. Aside from the commercial aspect and the busyness that can be created around it, there is truly something to be said for stopping to be grateful. It is a wonderful thing to have a declared holiday with this purpose at its center, but it should also be something we consider on a more frequent basis, not just once a year.
What are your thoughts? What is your experience with gratitude? Or with Thanksgiving as a holiday? I would love to hear your thoughts on any of the musings outlined above, let me know in the comments or feel free to message us through the site as well.
Regardless of how you celebrate, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and that you stopped to savor the moment! I hope you find ways of celebrating life and simple moments through gratitude this holiday season and in the year to come as well.